sorry
i cry again... i make him angry again... i really dunno wat happen to me... i really very stress... i just feel alone wif no one acc me... i dunno why... i just cant become myself anymore... i really dunno wat to do... sorry... sorry the things i do which make you sad... i scare i will lose everything... i really very tired le... but yet i just cant let go... i scare... nowadays i feel so stress... i dunno wad to do... can i go back to myself... can i... i really trying my best... but yet i just cant overcome the fear i having... sometimes i really wan die... but then i know it just to run away from fact... but sometimes there is question behind... does he really love me... does he really care me... does he really nv lyk any gals... but i dun dare to ask... dun dare to face... coze i love him too much le... tats why i change to another person... dear i need u being there for me... but yet i scare i scare walk along in the end... i bite myself nowadays i oso dunno why... i just want to forget everything...
each day pass by a min or a year
now i slacking thats why i updating my blog rite now... o lvl result is coming out soon le... hear that is 25th jan but someone gif me the hint is lyk not 25th jan lo... but result comfirm out on week 4 of jan... hai... wish to get my result as soon as possible but yet i scare cant face the truth... hai... after getting the result will be planning this and that... going where to study etc... hai... but after settle my result le... there is still got personal problem to solve ar... i really dunno why i just cant stop myself thinking negative... am i become a negative person le... already lost faith in myself and others... i really dunno... can everyone tell me... he want me to be cheerful... but the things is i dunno why i just cant do it... am i a gal who always gif those sad look... i dunno... hai... sometimes thing haven be solve are hard to change... hai... i just wish i could go back last time de wo... is it so difficult ma... sometimes i asking myself am i fit to be that gal ma... but ans is i dunno... i everything also dunno... dunno wat i am... dunno wat to do... dunno for everything... it is tired to say dunno... or could say tired to repeat dunno every msec every sec every min every hour everyday... but i dun say dunno i dunno wat to say le... hai... i know i hurt lots of people... but i could only say sorry... i just not prepare for everything to change or etc... i just could do is everyday just let it pass... i keep saying last year why pass so slow... but think back now i already free of o lvl... is it fast or slow... will my life forever pass with this speed or slower... sometimes i just cant face the reality coze it is hurt to face... i know myself wat i want but just that could i get it not i really dun dare to face... i just hope that everyday pass with a smile on my face that all i want... i love him lots...
darkness of my other side
today wake up at first is nothing de... no feeling at all... but den later on feel sad, worry and angry... i dunno why... nowadays i started to cry lyk last time before i can get to slp... i dunno why... is hard being back myself... is hard to stop thinking... i dunno why... i feel so worry nowadays... worry this and that... i everyday asking myself when den i can stop thinking... when den can i believe myself and him... i just cant control myself to think... the more i think the more i feel hurt and sad... the more i stop thinking the more i feel i no longer in this world wif my friends... my heart is all wif pain, wounds and hurt... can i mend it myself... can the one i wish to have will mend for me... or my friends around would mend for me... the one i wish to have now is him... the more i wish i could have him... the more i feel so hurt... i dunno why... dun ask mi why... coze i dunno why... i really afraid to walk along in the darkness of my another side... is black and it is dark... the darkness i could feel is just lyk killing me... till now no one can hold me out from my darkness... i dunno why... my friends around are helping me... but half way though i just let go of my hands... it is pain to walk out... it is hard... the one i wish he could walk wif me is no where now... does he know how hurt i am... sometimes i really asking myself stop thinking but it is hard... it is really hard... does the ans he gave me is the true... or just want me to feel happy... i really dunno... i really confuse... hai... before exam scare i cant make it and worry stuff about him and me... after exam worry about my result and also stuff about me and him... can i just lyk other gals to stop thinking... i really wish i could stop thinking...
first day of the year
today is the first day of 2008... first day of jan... it is also first day in 2008 i blog... this morning 7.30am den reach home... bath le den sleep... it is truth tat it is very tired but yet i never sleep property... sleep till 10.30am wake up... grandma ask why so early wake up... and i told her coze i hungry but eventually is i cant get to sleep wor... lots of things in mind... now i quit my job le... den now finding a new job ba... daddy say a pay where gif u an hour quite alot why i want quit... coze the unhappiness etc... make me feel lyk even no matter how high is it you work not happy you should leave... den buy psp a few days ago... but seems lyk nothing to play lo... ya think this month i would be doing something for someone ba... doing something where i wish to do so long but yet never get it done... den lots of things in my heart... and from today onwards i will be writing daily dairy not blogging but in my bao bei dairy... why... coze i wan to write all my unhappiness, happiness, how i feel etc down... just for myself... and next time for my future husband to see... coze i now understand wat is love... wat is like... wat is relationship... all my things should share wif the one i love... share wif the one willing to share wif mi... just lyk our aurore group which always share our stuff... no matter is happy or not... we will share wif each other... just lyk i share all my things to my gan kor, gan mei, gan jie and gan di... coze i know they care for mi... i also would lyk to use this opportunity to thanks them... thank you... love them just like my family... coze they are my family no matter how far we are, how long we never contact they still my family... love them... sometimes thinking back... actually i very xin fu... coze i had a wonderful family and friends... thanks to the god which gif me all this... and now the most important thing i want now is being myself... being a gal just lyk i use to be... being a gal dare to dream... being a gal where i got enough time for me, my friends, my family and him... being a gal stop thinking negative side of my future, stop thinking negative side of lots of things but being a gal which will always think positive... being a gal willing to do everything just for her family, her friends and him... thats the gal i want to be... love is something ur heart can never stop you from loving...
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Princess Venessa